I am noticing so far on my 2nd day of Bloganuary (I was late to the party), that the writing prompts appear simplistic and could easily have a quick and short response. For me, though, I prefer taking a little time to ponder the question in the scope of my realm and hopefully create an introspective/interesting post.
Since the pandemic came on the scene, and the ‘Lockdown’ ensued for a period of time, my pondering increased exponentially. All that pondering consequently led to some unforeseen and ultimately fortuitous revelations and consequences. The pandemic also brought lots of baggage along, too!
When the pandemic and lockdown became evident, I made an easy decision to just stay home, which for a supposed introvert with a touch of social anxiety, was a blessing! I remember seeing this Jim Halpert (from The Office) meme posted online and laughing and saying “Yes!!” out loud to my cats. I quickly reposted it, too!
So, this, or something along these lines – probably a short video – is what then led me to enter the world of TikTok for the first time. Talk about rabbit holes!!! Oh my… TikTok genuinely schooled me on how algorithms operate! Around this same timeframe, I decided to continue writing my on again-off again autobiography, which then led me to research various mental health issues, which led me to also pursue these topics on TikTok, which led me to coming into contact with several online therapists, which led me to ordering books on different mental health and family dynamics subjects, which led me to some poignant realizations about myself, other family members, and the dynamics of the home I grew up in. All good stuff, albeit an emotional roller coaster that honestly, was long overdue.
For all intents and purposes, we are beyond the pandemic, and I suppose for the most part, learning to live with Covid amongst us. But, during that period of time, I went down a rabbit hole of “looking back” at my family, myself, and my upbringing. Interestingly enough, all this looking back ultimately led to a lot of looking forward, too.
Revelations, insights, anger, sadness, and understanding appeared almost daily as I traversed this inward journey, accompanied by gut wrenching catharsis. Finally, one day, I decided enough was enough. I could probably spend my entire life dissecting the innards of my dysfunctional family and my own resulting innards but, did I want to do that? An emphatic “No!” I had reached a point where I felt looking forward, contemplating my future – and my hopes and dreams – was where I wanted to focus my attention… and my pondering. THIS was the grand turning point when I began manifesting the next chapter in my Life – and consequently began an extraordinary transition.
The day I made this momentous decision to think about my future rather than spend more time looking back at my past was glorious! Let me say, though, that all that introspection had proved extremely valuable in multiple ways, and I’m glad I went through that – and came out the other side intact. The shifting of my focus to my future – which took into account of course my present – was so freeing and inspiriting. I soon made a momentous decision that I have not regretted one iota – to manifest a plan to get my home that I’d lived in for twenty one years ready to sell, move from the Deep South to western North Carolina, and figure out new living arrangements for myself near my two adult children and their families. Let me tell you, it was an enormous undertaking!
Looking at the big picture now, I would have to say that of course, there are still times when memories and situations from my past come into view and are ruminated on, but I don’t linger there. Since my decision was made to adopt an “Onward” modus operandi, my thoughts, plans, actions, rabbit holes, and ponderings have been squarely focused on “the future” while consciously living each day in the present.
Huzzah!
debblife 